The Gloves Are Off
by This Name Is Thirty Characters
Summary: Will love bloom? The title says it all. I rock BEANS at summaries! Hi-fives all around! o/\o/\o WOO! R, R, & R. Rated T to be dangerous. Soails, Soamy, Sohcahtoa, mild Aails, spicy Soamails, and cool ranch Sockles. 99.9% OC-free! :3 Merry Julymas!
1. Chapter 1: Faux Pas

It was a dark and stormy night, except for the fact that it was early afternoon and there was only a slight overcast. Miles "Tails" Prower, a young, two-tailed fox with orange fur and an IQ of fifty bajillion, had just arrived at the house of his best friend, Sonic the Hedgehog. It was a quaint little three-story house near the beach – with a section of the beach inside it, so they could play on the beach even on the darkest and stormiest of nights. But it was nice out that day, so they were going to do things on the outdoor beach outside.

"Sonic, I'm here!" Tails called out. He waited exactly five thousand, three hundred seventy-eight milliseconds before thinking, _"Hm, it's not like Sonic to take this long. Maybe he's taking a nap?"_ He snuck over to the window and peered inside. All of the lights were off, so it was hard for him to make out anything inside the dark living room. _"I guess he is. I'm sure he won't mind if I let myself in."_

Tails knew that Sonic hardly ever bothered to lock his front door – or anything else, really (no one would be crazy enough to try to steal something from him – he _was_ Sonic the Hedgehog, after all) – so he opened the door and stepped inside. It was still very dark, but Tails knew his way around this house like a carefully memorized blueprint of this house.

He walked down the hall, careful not to trip over the Flokati rug, and flew up a flight of stairs, careful to not cause mass destruction with his powerful twirling tails. As he landed, he saw light shining out from underneath the fifth door on the right down the hall to the left. _"Sonic's bedroom light is on,"_ Tails thought as he frowned, _"so why didn't he answer the door? Did he fall asleep with the light on again?"_

Tails slowly turned the doorknob, and the door hinges squeaked as he cautiously pushed the door open. "Sonic, are you–" Tails interrupted himself with a gasp as he stared into Sonic's room. He took a moment to regain his composure, and then he carefully slammed the door shut. "I-I'm sorry, Sonic! I should've knocked first! I didn't mean to–"

"It's alright, Tails. I don't mind if you see me like this," Sonic said in a calm, soothing voice. "In fact, I'd love for you to come in here and join me."

Tails jumped back and looked away as Sonic turned the doorknob from his side of the door. "W-what!"

"It must be boring out there in the dark hallway." Sonic opened the door all the way, and then walked back over to his bed. "Why don't you come in here, where it's a little more interesting?"

Tails couldn't help but look back inside. Sonic's room was relatively empty; there was a bed with pillows and blankets as green as Sonic's fur (that is to say, blue), a wide desk with a large stereo and a pair of Sonic's gloves on it, a black chair on wheels that was very fun to spin around in, a door that led to a closet, a door that led to a bathroom, a door that led to a dark hallway sometimes and to a well-lit hallway at other times (not to mention the rare occasions when it led to a not quite dark but not particularly well-lit hallway), a blue hedgehog casually sitting on the bed, and the latest addition: a nervous, orange fox standing near the door to the hall.

"A-are you s-sure?" Tails asked as he shyly wrapped his tails around himself.

Sonic chuckled. "Sure I'm sure!" He motioned for Tails to come sit next to him. "I don't feel like I have to hide anything from you, Tails."

Tails could neither stop staring nor stop himself from joining Sonic on his bed. _"What am I doing?"_ he thought to himself. _"It feels so weird, but I just can't stop looking..."_

As Sonic wrapped one arm around Tails, Tails found himself staring right down at it.

Sonic's naked, exposed, completely uncovered hand.

"What's wrong, Tails?" Sonic leaned over to look Tails in the eyes, which was rather difficult to do with his arm wrapped around him. "You're so stiff. Why don't you just relax...maybe take your gloves off...?"

Tails shook his head violently and jumped away from Sonic. He shook his head too hard, though, so he lost his balance and landed on his tails, protecting him from harm. (Except for his tails, of course, which were very much harmed.) "Why were you waiting for me with your gloves off!" Tails demanded as he tried his best to look at Sonic's face and not his voluptuous hands.

"I think you know why, Tailsy," Sonic said as he got on the floor and crawled towards Tails. Tails tried to back away, but Sonic crawled at sonic speed to the door and closed it. "When I heard you outside, I remembered that we were supposed to do a thing today, so I took a quick shower." He crawled back over to Tails at slightly less than sonic speed and hugged him from behind. "But I guess I was too slow because you walked in while I was still getting dressed.

"And I don't really _need_ to put my gloves back on just yet..." Sonic tugged at one of Tails's gloves. "So I was thinking we could do a...different thing today." Sonic tugged harder, but Tails clenched his hands to hold his gloves on. "As long as that's cool with you." Sonic gave up on pulling Tails's gloves off and began wriggling his fingers into them instead.

Sonic tickled Tails's palms, and Tails blushed so deeply that the white fur on his cheeks figuratively turned pink. "I-I d-don't know... T-this is all s-so sudden..." Tails jerked his hands away from Sonic's.

"C'mon, Tails, it won't hurt," Sonic cooed as he ran his strong, warm fingers through the soft, thick fur on Tails's chest.

"But what if it does!" Tails frowned and tried not to cry. "We can't just be friends if we start doing that kind of thing...so what if things don't work out?"

"Who says we can't just be friends and do whatever kinds of things we want?" Sonic let go of Tails and jumped over him, back onto his bed. "And if it doesn't work out like that, we can just pretend nothing ever happened." He turned around, flashed Tails a bright, confident smile, and gave him a thumbs-up. "I promise."

Tails hung his head in sorrow, or perhaps shame. "No, Sonic. It won't work like that. I've...I've been keeping a secret from you, and I won't be able to keep it anymore if we start doing these kinds of things."

Sonic edged to the edge of his bed. "Whatever it is, I promise I'll keep it a secret." He dropped down to the floor in front of Tails. "And we'll always be friends, no matter what you've been lying about."

Tails looked at Sonic, and then back at his own begloved hands. "Sonic..." A single tear barreled down his face as he bit the tips of his gloves with his teeth. He quickly turned his head away, simultaneously yanking his gloves off and symbolically flinging the tear onto the palm of Sonic's discarded glove.

Sonic's eyes widened at the sight of Tails's slender hands. "Tails, your hands! They're not like my hands...but that means–"

"Yes, Sonic..." Tails paused for a few moments to gather the courage to finish. "I'm a girl."

Sonic pulled Tails close and held her tighter than she had ever been held before (but not tighter than he had – Amy's grip was tough to beat). "Is that all? Tails, I don't care if you're a boy or a girl or even something else; I'll always love you."

"Oh, Sonic!" Tails hugged him back. "I love you, too!" She tried to move her tails to wrap them around Sonic, but they were still hurt from landing on them before.

Sonic gently caressed Tails's tails. "Aw, did you hurt your tails?" He carefully appreciated each sensational stroke as he continued to navigate the jungle of luxurious fur on her tails with his firm yet gentle fingers. "Don't worry, I'll make them better."

"Mmm..." She blissfully nuzzled his cheek. "Ah..." She briskly fondled his long, thick quills, softly flattening them as she dragged her hands down them and painfully pricking her left middle finger as she dragged them upward. "Ow!" she screamed as she pulled her hands back and covered her injured finger.

"Aw, geesh, Tails! Are you okay?" Sonic sat back and tried to assess the damage he had inadvertently done. "You've gotta be careful not to rub me the wrong way, or you might get hurt!"

Tails smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine." She held out her finger for them to examine; there was a small drop of blood accumulating near the tip of it. "I just need to get a bandage real quick."

Tails tried to stand up, but Sonic grabbed her left wrist. "Wait, Tails." He pulled her hand close to his face. "You don't need a bandage."

"What are you – ah!"

Sonic licked Tails's finger. She blushed, pulled her hand back, and stared deep into Sonic's eyes. He stared back into hers and said, "Give me the finger, Tails."

"O-okay," she murmured as she held her finger near his mouth. Sonic pressed his wind-chapped lips against her finger, and Tails laced the fingers of her right hand together with Sonic's left. He took her hurt finger inside his mouth and licked it profusely. "Ooh, that feels a little weird!" Each slimy suckle did a lick of good, and soon her finger was healed lickety-split.

Sonic removed her finger and wiped his excess saliva away with the palm of his hand. "It's okay. Your hand's all better now." He then wiped his excess saliva off the palm of his hand onto the excess carpet under his excess bed.

"Thanks, Sonic." Tails sighed and cuddled up next to Sonic, their hands still intertwined.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes, savoring the mere presence of the other. After the few moments of silent presence-savoring, Sonic stood up. "So, ready for some watersports?"

Tails grinned. "Well, that _is_ the thing I came for in the first place."

"Well, then, should we use the indoor beach," Sonic asked with a sultry look as he held out his still somewhat moist hand to help Tails up, "or the outdoor one?"

"It's such a nice day out." A shiver ran down Tails's spine to the tip of her twin tails as she firmly grasped his hand. "Let's go outside."

Sonic swiftly pulled Tails to her feet. She let herself fall forward into him, but he moved twelve centimeters to his left and playfully spun her around. "Alright. I'll get the rope and boards and meet you outside." He gave her a quick high-five goodbye and dashed off to get the things they needed.

_"I can't believe that happened,"_ Tails thought to herself as she walked out of Sonic's room, careful to forget to turn the light off or close the door. _"It feels like a dream, or maybe a cheesy romance novel, but I don't think I could ask for a better ending!"_ And with that thought, she merrily skipped down the hallway, tripped down the stairs, and fell flat on her face. "Ow!"

"Yo, Tails, you okay?" Sonic called from elsewhere in the building.

She quickly picked herself up off the ground and darted toward the back door. She stopped at the door and hollered back, "Yeah, I just tripped again. It's a little dark in here!"

"You're welcome to turn the lights on, ya know."

"I can't hear you!" Tails sang as she pranced about the beach. "I'm already outside, enjoying the beach!"

A strong, blue, handsome wind blew by. "What took you so long?" It was Sonic, and he had a long, thick rope and two long, thin boards.

Tails laughed and shook her head. "What are you talking about? I was here first!" She took the rope and tied it around Sonic's waist, and wrapped the other end around her wrist. She laid the boards parallel to eachother, pointing west-west-northwest – towards the ocean – and stood on them. "Let's do it, Sonic!"

"Okay, hold on tight!" Sonic ran as fast as he could, across the bumpy sand and wavey water. He pulled Tails along, over the ripply waves, toward the most beautiful sunset in the history of forever.

Except it was still early afternoon, so the sun had not yet set.


	2. Chapter 2: Rosie Palms

**AN: Warning: If you are squeamish about certain bodily fluids, particularly those of the viscous variety that are vacated at vicious velocities, this chapter might not be for you. Please take care while reading fanfiction, and do not exceed your recommended daily dose (ask your doctor for more information)./AN**

"Go, Sonic, go!" Tails giddily cried as Sonic carefully sprayed warm, salty liquid all over her, dampening her fur beyond repair. It had always been one of her favorite things to do with Sonic – him running across the ocean while the sun hid beneath the horizon, dragging her along and soaking her with an even distribution of dislodged water particles – but this time was different. This time, they were more than just friends now.

They were glovers (which is not a proper use of the word, but they cared not for such pithy distractions from their ungloved love).

"Are you sure you don't want me to slow down a little, Tails? It's kind of risky to be running across the surface of the ocean this late," Sonic cautioned as he carefully turned around and jogged backwards across the wavy ripples of the ocean's surface. "And if I keep running this fast, I'm liable to trip over a shark or something, and you know I can't swim."

Tails smiled and tilted her head slightly. "Well, I can swim well enough for both of us, so you don't have to worry about that." She then frowned and carefully tilted her head in the other direction. "But why can't you just jump over it if something gets in your way? Don't you trust me to be able to react in time and jump over it, too?"

"Of course I do," Sonic lied, careful to not let her see his face. Tails could always tell when Sonic was lying by the way his ears twitched while he spoke; they twitched this way, like that, rather than that way, like this, you see. "But you know what they say about jumping over sharks, right?"

Tails assumed a generic thinking pose and thought for a moment, all while carefully balancing on her waterskis. "The more, the merrier?"

"What? No!" Sonic slapped his own forehead, careful not to smack his large, physically improbable eye by accident. "Where'd you get an idea like that?"

"I read about you jumping over sharks all the time on the Internet, so I figured it was some kind of weird — whoa, what is that?" Tails screamed as she frantically yet carefully directed Sonic's attention towards a grey bump in the distance with her fine, furry finger.

But Sonic could only stand there, mouth agape, staring at it. It was so close, yet so far away... It had only been a few minutes, but already he longed for the soft, warm, fuzzy, caring, incredibly arousing embrace of her paradisiacal paws. And then he realized that he should really pay attention to what she was pointing at before he ran into it. And also that he should start running again.

But it was too late! The gray bump let out a long, shrill squeak as it carefully hurled itself out of the water and over Sonic and Tails. They watched in awe as it majestically leaped over them; it was a huge – at least as big as two whole cows – and had wrinkly, grey skin. It flapped its flippers and twiddled its tail as it strove to stay skyborne, but there was no way it could stay. It came down with a crash and made quite a big splash, and Sonic and Tails were washed away.

Approxicisely eight million milliseconds later, Tails regained mild to moderate consciousness. She sputtered and coughed up salty seawater as she tried to carefully ascertain her surroundings; she and Sonic had washed up on the shore of a small, sandy island with a lone coconut palm near the center. The sun had long since vanished completely, and the stars and half-gone moon were working overtime to make up the deficit. Just feet away, Sonic lay prone, eyes shut tight. "Sonic... Sonic!" Tails shouted as she scampered over to her spiky, cobalt glover and shook him ravenously. "We've managed to avoid drowning!"

Sonic gazed up at her with his unmistakably emerald orbs, his quivering smile still bright and off-centered as ever. "This is good...isn't it?" he solemnly sighed as he lazily lowered his lids and took one last deep breath. And as he lay supine in his lover's loving arms, he lovingly continued, "I got a little careless for a moment there... I wasn't sure we were gonna make it."

"Yeah, did you see that thing? It was huge!" Tails exclaimed while she carefully helped Sonic to his feet. "I had no idea sharks could jump over people like that!"

Sonic jumped into the air and spun all of the water out of his quills and fur; the resulting cascade of water droplets sparkled beautifully in the moonlight. As he landed, he calmly stated in his suave, manly voice, "Naw, there's no way that was a shark. It was probably a manatee, or maybe a dugong. But either way..." He shot Tails a very strange look that could best be described as three parts deep compassion, one part worry, six parts excitement, and a pinch of lust, mixed well and carefully baked in a Scottish kiln for exactly seventeen hours at ten thousand degrees Fahrenheit. "...we're stuck on this island until sunrise..." He held his hands out toward her and slowly spread his fingers in a surprisingly suggestive manner. "...and we seem to have left our gloves at home."

"Oh my god!" a high-pitched voice screeched from behind them. It was none other than a certain Amy Rose, who had carefully perched herself in the coconut palm at just the right height to give everyone in a five-mile radius a clear view of her garishly white underpanties. "Sonic! You aren't about to, you know, do..._it_...with Tails, are you?"

"Maybe I am," Sonic slyly responded. "Care to join us?"

Shocked beyond all belief, Amy fell out of the tree and carelessly stuck the dismount. "Wh-what? You're bi?" Amy slowly shook her head in an even mixture of confusion and terror. "B-but, that can't be true – bisexuals are just a myth!"

"Au contraire, mon pomme d'amor," Sonic retorted as he casually strutted toward Amy, his fingers swaying hypnotically with each stride, "for not only is everyone in the Universe secretly pansexual **AN: "Pansexuality" is attraction to others without regard for their gender or sex, not attraction to kitchenware./AN**, but _you'd_ be the bisexual here – Tails is actually charming little chickadee." Sonic glanced over his shoulder at Tails, who was shyly trying to hide behind her tantalizingly tactile twin tails. "You don't care if Amy knows, right?"

"Bu...wha...bwah...?" Amy stammered. Her mind had been shattered like the stained glass windows of a limousine carelessly rented to attend a thirteen-hour charity rock concert intended to raise awareness for deafness and its causes. "But Tails can't be a girl! He doesn't have breasts!" Amy pointed at Tails's flat but fluffy chest to illustrate her point (or lack thereof).

Deeply embarrassed by her pauce protuberant pectoral tissue, Tails carefully concealed her minuscule mammaries behind her two tails and loudly objected, "Well, excuse me, Miss Mega Melons, I didn't know sex was defined by how fat your chest is!" A surplus of fluid began to seep from her lachrymal glands as she softly yet fiercely added, "It's not _my_ fault I'm too fluffy for anyone to tell..."

Amy crossed her arms and looked away in her best attempt to not care. "So why don't you put on a dress or something? Maybe then no one would get confused."

"Because I like being naked, and I don't care what anyone else thinks!" Tails declared so loudly and proudly that everyone in a three-kilometer radius had a clear view of Amy's garishly white underpanties.

"Ladies, please, there's no need to have a totally hot catfight that would surely involve several impractically fetishistic forms of combat," Sonic seductively susurrated as he quickly yet carefully swooped betwixt and separated them. "Now, are we gonna get our hands a little dirty, or are we gonna get our hands _really_ dirty?"

"Sonic, wait," Amy requested as she dramatically turned her back to Sonic and Tails, took a melodramatic step away from them, and carefully assumed a generic dramatic pose that she had previously practiced for hours on end. "As much as I've always secretly wanted to have a threesome with you and Tails...and maybe Cream...I can't. Not while I'm keeping this secret from you."

"Then tell us," Sonic pleaded. "Whatever it is, we promise to keep it a secret." He and Tails carefully snuck around Amy and held their hands out in front of her. "And we'll always love you, no matter what you've been lying about."

Amy looked at Sonic, then at Tails. Then back at Sonic, and then back at Tails. And then sadly at her own begloved hands. "Sonic..." A single tear barreled down her face as she carefully gripped each of her gloves with her opposite hand. She swiftly swung her arms apart, simultaneously yanking her gloves off and symbolically revealing that she was wearing a pair of latex gloves underneath. "Oh, um, heh heh, how did those get there?" Amy nervously lied as she hastily removed them in the same embellished manner as before.

Sonic's caring eyes widened at the sight of Amy's burly hands. "Amy, your hands! They're like my hands...but that means–"

"Yes, Sonic..." Amy paused for a few moments to carefully gather up the courage to finish. "I have man-hands."

"I KNEW IT!" Tails vicariously vociferated as she thrusted her hand forward in a rather rude pointing motion. At the precarious proximity of Tails's prehensile pointer, Amy's cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red than her garishly white underpanties on a bad day.

"Take it easy, Tails," Sonic cooed as he pushed Tails's hand away from Amy with his wrist, careful not to let their hands touch prematurely. He then turned to Amy and leaned in so close that he could practically taste the mellow mucus in her notoriously nice nostrils. "Amy, it's okay if your hands are bigger than most girls'. It doesn't make you a freak or mean you have 'man-hands', but it does mean you've got that much more sensational surface area for me to touch in a place or way that makes you feel comfortable." Sonic flashed Amy a bright, confident smile. "That's good."

"Oh, Sonic!" Amy swooned, but carefully retained mild to moderate consciousness. "Show me. Now."

"Me too!" Tails contended, carelessly yet correctly concluding that they had forgotten her.

"But of course, mademoiselle!" Sonic dit. **AN: "Dit" is French for "said"./AN** "Our ménage à trois would be but a ménage à deux without you!" Sonic carefully clasped Amy's right hand with his own right hand and Tails's left with his left, and Amy and Tails instinctively intertwined their remaining hands together. "Let's do this!"

All together, they recited, "One, two, three, four, you're the ones I most care for!" They rhythmically rubbed their thumbs together as they chanted. "Five, six, seven, eight, I'm so glad you're not jailbait!"

They started off slowly, sedately stroking eachother to get a good read on how to proceed. Sonic cockily took the initiative, vigorously thrusting his eight-centimeter member at the base of Amy's decadent digit while gently caressing Tails's hand to lure her into a false sense of security. Amy gasped and gaily giggled as she promptly pinned Sonic under her grip, grinding the inside of her knuckle against his. Sonic's uncircumspect boner could have led to his early demise, but he managed to wriggle his way out from under her and mounted a counter-attack. Tails attempted to take advantage of their preoccupation to gain the upper hand and decisively dominate both of them at once. Sonic and Amy exchanged knowing glances before they turned their focus toward Tails, shifting their weight toward her. She used her tenacious tails to hold herself steady against their relentless assault as she carefully calculated her own cunning counter-attack. They thrusted and parried and pushed and pulled and laughed and moaned and put everything they had into coming out on top. Their collective love burned with the passion of a dozen church fires on a cold Sunday morning as their thumbs wrestled for dominance in an only-three-holds-barred cage match over a pit of boiling ice cream. But Sonic had had enough of their pussyfooting; it was time for him to show them who wore the pants in their relationship.

**AN: Remember the warning I gave way back at the beginning of this chapter? Those of you who would care to leave the room should do so now. Feel free to return after approxicisely four paragraphs. Also, "boner" is a perfectly valid substitute for "mistake", so stop sniggering at it, you dirty-minded puritans!/AN**

Abruptly and without warning, Amy carefully canted her head back in appetent anticipation. "Ah, ah, aah, I'm, aaah," she struggled to say between short, sharp breaths, "I'm gonna – ah ah ah, aaaah-choo!" She suddenly stridently sternutated, spurting stupendous scads of sticky, slimy secretions all over Sonic and Tails.

"Aw, geesh!" Tails exasperatedly expressed as she withdrew her hands and carelessly swatted the splotches of snot in her fur as she scurried over to the ocean to bathe herself in its whimsical waves. "Gross!"

"I dunno, I kinda like it," Sonic confessed as he carefully slurped up and savored every last drop of Amy's succulent nasal juices, including and especially the delectable dollop dangling from the tip of her nose.

Amy tittered. "Sonic, that tickles!" She would have continued to extol the exceedingly extravagant experience of having Sonic's exhilarating tongue excavate excess fluid from her cranial cavern except she was interrupted by an unexpected yawn, which she carelessly let loose right in Sonic's face. "Excuse me...I'm so tired all of a sudden..."

Sonic carefully fell back onto a conveniently pillow-like pile of sand. "Yeah, I'm bushed, too." He stretched his arms out just for Tails and Amy, inviting them to his late-night cuddlefest for three.

Tails was still a little wet, but she was eager as a beaver to join Sonic for a good night's rest (even if it was almost morning). The three of them cuddled close, careful to avoid lying in an anatomically improbable manner. _"We've sure been through a lot these past few hours,"_ Tails randomly ruminated. She peeked over at Amy, who smiled and put her hand on Tails's shoulder; Tails returned the favor. _"But I think we'll be just fine..."_

Tails soon drifted soundly to sleep, cozily encompassed by the caring arms of her two true loves.

"Hey, Tails?" Amy whispered mere moments later, careful to disturb only Tails and not Sonic.

"What's huh?" Tails carelessly somniloquated. "What is it?"

"Well, your real name is 'Miles', right? But since you're really a girl, that can't be true. So I thought it over really carefully, and I decided that your real real name must be 'Melissa'! Am I right?"

"No, that's stupid. My real name is 'Kari'."


	3. Chapter 3: Bare Knuckle

**AN: I am so sorry./AN**

Meanwhile, in the South Pacific, a red echidna was jack-knifing across the North Atlantic. He was rougher than the rest of them – the best of them! You could call him "Knuckles", and unlike Sonic, he never chuckled (except for when he was setting up or activating devious traps, of course).

**AN: I never understood that line from Knuckles's theme. He chuckles all the time is Sonic 3 & Knuckles!/AN**

Suddenly, he heard an annoying pinging noise coming from a small nearby island with a single palm tree growing on it. "That must be a Master Emerald shard!" he said in his that-must-be-a-Master-Emerald-shard tone of voice. "Real talk."

**AN: I really hated the Emerald radar in Sonic Adventure 2; it was much better in the first Sonic Adventure, where it could detect any of the shards instead of just the next one. The pinging was annoying in both, though./AN**

As he dutifully jack-knifed toward the island, he could make out three figures sleeping in eachother's arms on the edge of the island.

**AN: In case you forgot, those three are Sonic, Tails, and Amy./AN**

"Sonic? Tails? Amy!" Knuckles said in his dumbfounded tone of voice, which was suspiciously similar to his that-must-be-a-Master-Emerald-shard tone of voice. "Real talk."

Sonic woke with a yawn and stretched his arms and legs, wiggling and jiggling his bare fingers in the cooling yet salty sea wind as he did. He smirked at his red rival. "'Sup, Dreds. Something buggin' you?"

**AN: I read on Wikipedia that 'Dreds' was Knuckles's beta name, and I thought it would be a cute nickname for Sonic to give him./AN**

"What are you three doing lying around naked?" Knuckles said in his outraged-mother-who-just-walked-in-on-her-children-reading-lewd-fanfiction tone of voice, which was suspiciously similar to his dumbfounded and that-must-be-a-Master-Emerald-shard tones of voice. "Real talk."

**AN: True story./AN**

"Oh, I think you know what we were doing," Sonic suggested as he waltzed over and concupiscently clasped Knuckles's wrists. "And we were just about to start Act 2, if you want to join us."

"Actually," Amy interrupted as she rubbed the sleep out of her eye, "I really have to pee first."

**AN: True story./AN**

As Amy waddled off to the other side of the island, Knuckles yanked his hands away from Sonic and angrily held up his fist in a manner that was provocative in more than one way. "Sonic, we don't have time for this! I broke the Master Emerald again, and now we have to collect the shards, the Chaos Emeralds, the Time Stones, five thousand three hundred seventy-eight Rings, the Chaos Rings, the other Chaos Emeralds, the other shards, three thousand six hundred twenty-three more Rings, six hundred forty-nine different kinds of Chao, the moons of Jupiter, enough Evo points to get the top-ranked seeding, and one more of those odious Sun Medals before Eggbuttnik can!" Knuckles said in his deranged-JRPG-addict voice, which was suspiciously similar to his outraged-mother-who-just-walked-in-on-her-children-reading-lewd-fanfiction, dumbfounded, and that-must-be-a-Master-Emerald-shard tones of voice. "Real talk."

**AN: I thought about adding "and all the references in this list", but I decided against it. Oops, I guess I just did it anyway./AN**

"Relax, Dreds. We'll crack that egg in no time, but first, how about we crack our knuckles together?" Sonic bit down on the spike on Knuckle's knuckles and tugged at his glove with his teeth. "You know, I've always wondered what you look like beneath your gloves."

**AN: Sometimes I lie in bed at night wondering what Knuckles's hands look like under his gloves. Are they humanlike, or are they echidnalike? Because they might be a little weird looking if they were echidnalike, considering certain aspects of echidna anatomy./AN**

"No!" Knuckles said in his say-no-and-get-out-of-there tone of voice, which was suspiciously similar to his deranged-JRPG-addict, outraged-mother-who-just-walked-in-on-her-children-reading-lewd-fanfiction, dumbfounded, and that-must-be-a-Master-Emerald-shard tones of voice. "Real talk."

"Come on, Dreds, it'll be fun," Sonic insisted with a voice as soft as his spines were not. "My legs aren't the only things that can move at the speed of sound, you know."

**AN: Sonic's spines are decidedly unsoft, and technically, his whole body can move at the speed of sound./AN**

"Hey, Sonic, Kari, come here!" Amy shouted as she pulled up her garishly white underpanties. "I have something to show you!"

**AN: True story./AN**

"Be are be, big guy," Sonic promised, and after one sultry glance back at Knuckles, he sauntered over to look at what Amy made.

"Please don't call me 'Kari'," Tails politely demanded as she sleepily shuffled over to Amy. "I tell everyone my name's 'Tails' for a reason."

**AN: I think female Tails should still hate her real name, just like male Tails. I also think Tails would hate being called "Tailsko", because that is a tremendously terrible name, IMCO./AN**

**AN: "IMCO" stands for "In My Correct Opinion"./AN**

**AN: Also, I just accidentally typed "In My Pants Opinion", which is what "IMPO" stands for, not "IMCO"./AN**

"Yeah, whatever. Look at this! Ta-da!" With a wave of her arm, Amy presented her present: "Sonic + Amy + Kari 4Eva" written in the sand...in yellow.

**AN: Yes, she just did exactly what you think she did./AN**

**AN: Unless you think she did something besides pee their names in the sand./AN**

**AN: Because that **_**is**_** what she did./AN**

**AN: And yes, girls can do it, too. It just takes a little more effort and practice./AN**

**AN: Although, I feel I should note that urine is actually clear if you drink enough water. The darker it is, the less hydrated you are! So I guess Amy really needs to drink more water./AN**

"I couldn't finish drawing the heart around it," Amy shyly admitted, embarrassed by her impressive yet insufficient bladder capacity. "Do you think you two could help?"

**AN: "Bladder capacity" sounds like "Battle Capacity", which is a cool fighting game that has nothing to do with this story, but I chose to mention it anyway in the hopes of getting more people to try it!/AN**

"Sure thing, Amy!"

Sonic and Tails worked diligently together. They started at the top and worked their way around their names in opposite directions until they met at the bottom, completing the heart. They and Amy stood proudly and admired their work, for it was a fine testament to their undying love for eachother.

**AN: I... No, never mind./AN**

"You three are disgusting! I'm out!" Knuckles said in his disgusted tone of voice, which was suspiciously similar to his say-no-and-get-out-of-there, deranged-JRPG-addict, outraged-mother-who-just-walked-in-on-her-children-reading-lewd-fanfiction, dumbfounded, and that-must-be-a-Master-Emerald-shard tones of voice. "Real talk."

"You're right, Dreds," Sonic contemptibly concurred, not noticing that Knuckles had already begun jack-knifing through the water once more. "We almost forgot to wash our hands!"

**AN: Seriously, people, wash your hands after you use the bathroom! Speaking of that, why do some people open the door before they wash their hands? They just get more germs on the door that way! I guess they get to wash away the germs they get from touching the door, but still, if everyone would just wash their hands first, the door would be a lot cleaner and washing your hands afterward would be unnecessary! Whatever, I always wash my hands thrice anyway, just to be safe. True story./AN**

"Oh my god, you're right!" Amy produced two bottles of hand sanitizer from her interdimensional pantyspace pocket – one orange and one clear. "Here, I brought two kinds: Fortunella and original flavor!"

**AN: Please do not consume hand sanitizer; it does not taste good and will not make your breath or farts smell any nicer. It may also be toxic and unsuitable for young children under the age of three./AN**

"I'll take the Fortunella," Sonic decided, and he squeezed out a glob of moist, kumquat-scented gel from the orange bottle.

"Me too," Tails agreed, and she squeezed a glob of gel from the orange bottle as well.

"Then I guess that makes three!" Amy squeezed out an orange glob for herself and tossed the bottles aside.

They each euphorically embrocated the erogenous epidermis of eachother's erotic extremities, eliciting endless eeps of elation from each.

**AN: Sexy./AN**

"Whew... What are we gonna do now?"

"Good question."

**AN: A question for which I have no answer!/AN**

Meanwhile, at the DMV: "Ohohohohoho! As soon as I'm done with my day job holding up the lines here at the DMV, I'll set my latest and greatest scheme into motion! That blasted hedgehog's furry little friends won't know what snooped them!"

**AN: True story. Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat spot in line at the DMV!**


	4. Chapter 4: Plot Twist!

On an island at sea with a lone palm tree, there stood the three who had etched their names in pee. The bluest of the bunch, Sonic the Hedgehog, savior of the world, hero to children everywhere, and the sexiest thing alive, tenderly held his glovers' gloveless hands and gazed deep into their shimmering, respectively blue and green optic organs with the white-hot intensity of Anne Robinson's trademark goodbye glare. "Tails, Amy..." he austerely addressed his undressed partners in the sublime, "I'm...

"I'm pregnant...!"

Tails and Amy gasped and giggled giddily as they glanced gaily at one another, and then they expectantly pressed their ears against the expectant hedgehog's belly.

"I didn't think this was how pregnancy worked, but I don't care!" Amy exuberantly exclaimed as she nuzzled Sonic's navel. "This is the second or third happiest moment of my life!"

"I can hear it moving!" Tails noted, noting the rumbling sound of a rapidly approaching 3.78-scale earthquake that would surely be followed by a tidal wave of jokes that many would find insensitive.

Instead, the rumbling was followed by a literal tidal wave when a huge, greyish-gray creature leapt from the sea. It was...!...?...‼...!

"I AM JACK QUEEN, KING OF THE ARTIFICIAL CETACEANS OF EGGMAN," the manatee from 3,580 words ago announced in a robotic, written-in-capital-letters voice. "GENUFLECT BEFORE ME, FOR I AM THE ULTIMATE ABYSS OF ARBITRATION!"

Tails was miffed by Jack's tactless taxonomic error and said, "But manatees aren't ceta–"

"FORBEAR YOUR BICKERING AND PROCEED WITH GENUFLECTION!"

"You listen here, Sir Enia," Sonic demanded, eager to make a pun that would only work in writing and that no one would laugh at anyway. "We've got a baby to take care of now, so you go back to Eggman and tell that sexy devil we're done with this adventuring and saving the world business!"

Tails gasped in a much less giddy manner than she had previously gasped before. "Sonic would never give up adventuring and saving the world business! But that means...!"

"That's right, Tails," Sonic growled with an evil glint in his voice. Faster than you could write a metaphor, he dashed behind Tails and tied her up with her own two tails and some lacy leather straps he fortuitously had on-hand. "I am Robo-Sonic, Lord Robotnik's greatest creation yet! And now I've got you right where I want you!"

"Let her go, you imposter!" Amy whipped out her harrowingly humongous hammer and gave Robo-Sonic a swift kick between the fingers.

In return, Robo-Sonic gave Amy a stare blanker than a saint's slate. "Did you really think that would work on a robot like me?"

Amy solicitously shrugged. "Well, I dunno. Your hands seemed pretty realistic to me, so – ah!"

Faster than you could copy and paste a paragraph, Robo-Sonic dashed behind Amy and tied her up with her own garishly white underpanties and some lacy leather straps he fortuitously had on-hand. "I am Robo-Sonic, Lord Robotnik's greatest creation yet! And now I've got you right where I want you!"

"Don't be so sure!" Amy shouted surely, and she hunched down with her back turned to Robo-Sonic, exposing her brazenly pink tail end to the narration. "Those were power-dampening panties, and now that you've removed them, I can perform my ultimate technique!"

"Power-dampening panties? Ultimate technique? No!" Robo-Sonic stuttered as he fearfully recoiled in terror and took a startled step backwards, afraid of Amy's potentially powerful pantiless posterior. "No! This can't be happening! No!"

Amy thrust herself tail-first into Robo-Sonic as she chanted, "Final!" She ducked behind him and bumped him into the air with her rump as she continued, "Hip!" And she leapt up after him, spun to add a little flair, and crashed back down with him underneath and finished, "Buster!"

"Ugwah!" Robo-Sonic ugwahed; most of his essential systems had been smashed, and his circuits shorted. Remorseful rain fell from the sky and streamed solemnly down his forlorn face like the tears of an angel mourning the annoying angle of the morning sun insensitively interrupting its insouciant imaginings. With his last robo-breath, he stared sorrowfully at Amy and stammered, "Please...mon sœur...take good...care...of...our...lit...tle...o...n...e..."

Robo-Sonic then unceremoniously exploded and left behind a small, red crab robot with adorably derpy googly eyes. It saw Amy and Tails and happily snapped its pincers, and then it perkily paced back and forth between its two mommies.

"Aw, it's so cute!" cooed Tails, who was still bound but not gagged by her own tails and some inconvenient-for-her lacy leather straps. "What should we name it?"

Amy thought short and soft before deciding. "How about 'Gani'? Our little Gani-Gani!"

Gani continued pacing, oblivious to its new nomenclature.

"Gani, sweetie, do you think you could cut mommy free with your claws?" Amy asked.

Gani continued pacing, oblivious to its parents' predicament.

"Gani, you cut me free this instant, or there'll be no scuttling aimlessly for a week!"

Gani apologetically ambled over to Amy and ripped away her restraints, oblivious to her dress not being part of her binds.

"Aw, Gani, that was my second favorite dress!" Amy whined as she held the largest remaining shred of red cloth – which was no larger than the average strip of bacon – over her adverblessly peach belly.

"Eh, I always thought it was ugly, anyway," Tails criticized as she scooted away from Gani, who had come to break her bonds next. "Now, could you untie me? I don't think I trust Gani."

"Ohohoho! Stripping as usual, I see!" called an all too familiar mustachioed voice from above. "You may have defeated Robo-Sonic, but you're too late! I've already used the extra funds from my day job to build my greatest creation yet – get a load of this!" The narration zoomed out and revealed a huge, metal egg floating menacingly in the sky. "The Double Death Egg! You'll never penetrate its impregnable defenses! Ohohoho!"

"We have to get up there and save Sonic!" Tails and Amy concurrently concurred with the determination of a hover rocket cube laser spike drill void burst frenzy.

Then, for reasons that could only be written off as poor writing, Tails, Amy, and Gani arrived onboard the Double Death Egg.

"Ohohoho!" Robeggnik's childish chortle echoed throughout his egg-shaped ship thanks to his acoustically efficient egg intercom. "You may have made it this far, but you'll never make it past my preantepenultimate badnik! E-6468696D Oliver...! Wait for it...

"Wait for it...

"Wait for – get them!"

Tails and Amy steeled themselves for Eggbotman's steel surprise. In an instant, a red blur barreled across the room and slammed itself betwixt Amy's thighs! "MOTO BUG TO THE COOCH!" announced a synthesized voice that may have been included with Microsoft Windows.

**AN: Wait... I thought their **_**hands**_** were...? Oh, who cares./AN**

Amy collapsed and curled up like a hedgehog, which was an odd occurrence for her. "What the ef asterisk see kay was that!‽" she rhetorically requested.

The ladybug badnik formally known as Moto Bug cut short its celebratory roof-raising and set its sights on Tails. As it revved its wheel and pointlessly projected holographic crosshairs over its tender target, Tails knew that there was only one way for her to escape unharmed. It was risky, but she had no other choice...

Suddenly, a spiked fist burst through the floor just beneath Moto Bug and blew it to bits, and the little mountain goat that had been trapped inside galloped off. "Eh, mon, I'm here for yo emuhralds!" Knuckles said in his ethnically ambiguous tone of voice. "Deal talk."

"Knuckles! I knew you'd come!" Tails flung her furry fingers around her furious friend. "Um, I mean, thank goodness you're here! You saved me just in time!"

"Yo, step off, Tails! I'm only here for the Master Emerald shards. I know that they're here – I can sense them in my feet!" Knuckles said in his I-sure-hope-this-is-why-my-feet-are-tingling tone of voice. "Feel talk."

"Oh _ho_!" Dokutā Robotonikku taunted. "You may have defeated Oliver, and company may have arrived to assist you, but you'll never make it inside my..._Deviled Death Egg_!" The narration backed out even farther and revealed another metallic egg even bigger than the Double Death Egg floating inside it. "There's only one way in, and I'm the only one who knows how it works! Ohohoho!"

The only thing around besides the Deviled Death Egg was a spinning barrel adorned with red and white triangles that floated beside it. "What is that thing?" Knuckles said in his ha-ha-I-never-had-to-deal-with-this tone of voice, which made no sense because even though he had never been locked in a room with one before, he had actually dealt with several similar barrels in his time. "Zeal talk."

"Allow me to explain," besought a mysterious voice that was shamefully soothing yet gloriously grating, like the sound of chalk on a nailboard. A fuchsia-furred fox with two hedgehog tails pranced out of the shadows of time and explained, "My name is 'This Name Is Forty-Eight Characters The Fedgehox', and I have come from the past of the future and back again to give the three of you an important message from the future."

"Do you know how to get inside that thing?" Tails inquisitively inquired, already ready to trust a strange stranger in Sonic's short absence.

"Yes," This Name Is Now Thirty-Nine Characters confirmed with a nod. "First, all four of us must stand together atop that barrel."

"Alright. You and Knuckles go ahead, and I'll help Amy." Tails turned to Amy, who was still struggling to stand. "Amy, are you okay? Need some help?"

"I wouldn't say no," Amy sighed with a smile. She thankfully took Tails's tempting hand, and for a single succinct second, the surrounding scene seemed to cease. As they peeped profoundly into eachother's opulent orbs, something bloomed inside them. It was...love!

Tails realized she was staring, which was rude, so she slowly snapped herself out of it. "So, um, we should get going..."

"Oh, right, yeah." Amy triumphantly pointed forth and half-heartedly bellowed, "Hold on Sonic, we're coming for you!"

Tails and Amy joined This Name Is Thirty-Five Characters and Knuckles tail-to-tail-to-tail-to-tail-to-tail-to-tail atop the barrel, and the vexing visitant from a future filled with shifty, self-referential names instructed, "Okay, everyone push down as hard as you can." The barrel dipped down, but it fought against them and popped back up. "Now, everyone jump!"

They all leapt at the barrel's apex and landed back on it together with all their collective might, forcing it farther down into a secret passage. They continued dauntlessly, depressing it deeper with each drop, but barrel refused to change its height enough to let them past.

"This will never work," Tails complained, for she felt as if she had been through this several times before.

"Trust me; this will work. Everyone jump off...now!"

Tails, Amy, and Knuckles hopped off the barrel, and from the side, they could see that it went just high enough for them to slide under.

"Go! You should be able to squeeze through with good timing!"

"But what about you?" Amy asked only somewhat sincerely.

"I have to keep it moving! Now, hurry, before its momentum fades!"

Tails, Amy, and Knuckles did as they were told and made it past the maddening obstacle into a seemingly endless hallway with an elevator at the far end. "What a weirdo," Tails and Amy whispered wonderfully under their respective breaths.

"Yeah," Knuckles said in his tone of voice. "Spiel talk."

"Good luck," This Pseudonym Is Completely Different From The Writer's Because It Collectively Has One Hundred Sixty-Eight Letters, Spaces, And Symbols, And Thus Is Not A Self-Insert proclaimed after them, "and remember, letters are case-sensitive, and there are no numbers or special characters!"

They ignored the whimsical weirdo's wayward wisdom and flew, glided, and slash or hammered their way over to the elevator. Above the doors hung a sign that read, "Elevator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience." And indeed, behind the elevator doors was a flight of spiraling stairs that conveniently led them down to the prison room of the Deviled Death Egg.

"Tails, Amy, Knuckles!" Sonic cheered from inside a cage made of bright bars composed of light amplified by the stimulated emission of radiation. Sonic shyly shielded his sight when he saw his friends' exposed extremities. "Whoa, Amy, Tails, where'd your gloves go?"

"You've reached the final stretch, you furry fools," Eggnognik callously congratulated, "but see if you can make it through here! Metal Gamma, CAPTCHA them!"

A tall, red, somewhat humanoid robot with a wicked Mohawk rose from the ground. It had a high-definition monitor on its chest, which prominently presented inscrutable scribbles of several indistinct colors. "I am Gamma; please insert the words displayed."

"Too easy," Knuckles said in his it-clearly-says-Ambrosial-Anguilliformes tone of voice. He produced an outlandishly lanky fish from his interdimensional dreadlock pocket and put it in Metal Gamma's shiny, metal hands. "Eel talk."

"No way! I can't believe this! You've spoiled my plans!" Robeggnotnikmaneggegg cried as he cunningly escaped by never having been present in the first place. "Agh! You're not gonna get away with this!"

The cage disappeared and Sonic was free! "Awesome job, Knuckles! You too, Tails!" Sonic said, and then he gave Amy a quizzical, almost concerned look. "Something wrong, Amy? Normally you'd be all over me by now."

"Well, you see...I..." Amy gave Tails a loving, almost concerned look. "I love Tails now! I'm sorry, Sonic, but that's how it is..."

"Tails...?" Sonic asked.

"It's true – we're in love. But..." Tails returned Amy's loving, almost concerned look. "I can't be with you, Amy."

"Wh...why not...?" Amy asked.

"It's because...I..." Tails gave Knuckles a knowing, almost concerned look. "I'm the real guardian of the Master Emerald, and I have to bring it back to Angel Island as soon as possible."

"Hold up, you mean you've had the shards this entire time? You'd better hand them over right now!" Knuckles said in his about-to-do-something-with-my-fists tone of voice, which was unhelpfully what he always sounded like. "Steal talk."

"I can't because..." Tails gave her own belly an anxious, almost concerned look. "I ate it for safekeeping!"

"Oh, don't you worry. I know how to solve this problem," Knuckles said in his I-only-know-how-to-make-one-kind-of-sandwich-so-I-hope-you-like-knuckles tone of voice, although he did happen to know a few other scrumptious sandwich recipes. "Meal talk."

"Uh, gotta go! See you later, Sonic and Amy!" Tails ran back to whence she came, out of the Deviled and Double Death Eggs, which was easier than getting in because when they had rescued Sonic, all of the doors had instantly unlocked, and the guards had vanished. Knuckles recklessly raced after her, intent on getting his Emerald back by force, the hard way.

"So, um, Sonic..." Amy ambitiously ambled across to the antecedent aim of her affections and tried to cuddle up next to him. "How about that 'me being all over you' thing you mentioned before?"

Sonic pushed Amy away and gave her the most serious, almost concerned look of either of their lives. "Amy...there's something I never told you...and I think it's time I did..."

Amy held him tighter than he had ever been held before (for real, this time) and assured him, "What is it, Sonic? You know you can tell me anything."

"Amy... The reason I always run from you is..." A single tear barreled down Sonic's face as he bit the tip of his lip. He quickly turned his head away, simultaneously building melodramatic tension and symbolically flinging the tear into Amy's briny eyes. "We're siblings. Blood siblings. Twins, in fact."

"Oh, is that all? Sonic, I don't care if you're my brother or sister or even my clone from another dimension; I'll always love you." Amy paused for a moment to allow those who were offended by this twist to leave before upping the ante: "Besides, blood is just another bodily fluid for us to share."

"Do you really mean that, Amy?"

Amy laughed a little and said, "Of course."

The two embraced eachother like a...thing...that really loved another thing...that it was related to...? And for the first time in Sonic's life, he finally felt love bloom in his barren heart.

"I hurt my lips really bad on the way here," Amy pseudorandomly mentioned with underhanded intentions. "Won't you kiss them and make them better?"

Sonic laughed a little and said, "Of course," to which Amy grinned like the number three.

"INFIDELS!" interrupted Jack, the manatee from 2,448 words ago, as it plummeted from its precarious placement on a platform peculiarly poised above and ambuscaded the amorous animals, grimly granulating them under its grandiose girth. "I HAVE RETURNED FROM MY BRIEF STINT AS AN ADOLESCENTS' FITNESS INSTRUCTOR TO PULVERIZE YOUR AMIABLE YET GENUFLECTLESS SOULS!"

With what might have been her last breath, Amy groaned, "Gani, save us!"

But because the narration neglected to mention Gani as the rest of the group moved on, it was still pacing back and forth on the Double Death Egg, oblivious to everyone's obliviousness.

"Well...it looks...like this...is...it...Son...ic...I...lo...v...e...y...o..u..."

"Am...y...I... Urk...!"

Everything went dark. It truly was...

**The end.**

tilde asterisk tilde blatant disregard for the horizontal ruler tilde asterisk tilde

"Get up! C'mon, get up!"

"Hey...?" Tails mumbled. "What's going on...?"

"It's time to get up!" Sonic repeated.

Tails woke with a sedate start; Tails's bed, blankets, and fur were soaked with salty sweat. "It was...just a dream...?" Tails uttered, unable to understand what may or may not have undeniably transpired.

"Bad dream again?" Sonic sat down and reassuringly placed his firmly begloved hand on Tails's unsure shoulder. "Well, don't worry about it. Whatever it was, it was definitely just a dream. It never happened and never will, even if some parts of it might have been true."

Sonic was right – it _was_ all just a dream. Tails let out a long, relaxing sigh of relief and said, "Thanks, Sonic."

"No problem, bud. Now hurry up and get dressed, or we're gonna be late for class!"


End file.
